Blog #6 - The Super Power From Regrets
“No Regrets”
This is one of my least favorite phrases when in the self-improvement space, and I’ll tell you why: acknowledging regrets leads to deeper healing which opens you to a more aligned presence with your core values which allows you the freedom to evolve into a character you actually love. Yes, I’m saying that true self-love comes from the experience of regrets. Now, if you were to ignore and dismiss the sensation of regret, you’d be holding yourself back from expanding, growing, maturing, wising. Suppression never rewards, it only perpetuates suffering.
Let’s broaden from the word regret, and open our minds and hearts to learn the depths of what it is to regret. In language, we have many forms of expressing feeling and emotion. Widening the field of our vocabulary can help us to see how often, how casual, and sometimes how obliviously, we are holding on to regrets as a part of our personality traits and behaviors.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines regret as:
“to mourn the loss or death of”
“to miss very much”
“to be very sorry for”
“sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one’s control or power to repair”
“an expression of distressing emotion (such as sorrow)”
Synonyms: lament, mourn, remorse, guilt, shame, repent, rue, deplore, bemoan, bewail, penitence, self-reproach, apology, anguish, blame, contriteness, qualm, compunction, embarrassment, misgiving, responsibility, scruple, culpability, chagrin, prick, distress, excuses, fault, ruth, liability, rap, mea culpa, hand-wringing, bloodguilt.
That’s a lot isn’t it? Yet, so many of these words can describe how inner dialogue can sound or feel - to the point that we normalize suppressing ourselves because it must be “bad” to allow these thoughts to stay in our minds. But that’s the trap - running away from the reality of feelings, all so that we surface-level accept ourselves, without going “too deep” out of fear we’ll dislike ourselves. That’s what we’re here to dismantle, the old belief that feelings should be regularly hidden, compartmentalized away from our own selves. Yes, it’s true that we don’t need to be wearing our feelings and emotions on our sleeves and bring it to everyone else’s doorstep to regulate us or make us happier. What I’m pointing out is the emotional abuse we do to ourselves. Ignoring the signals our mind, heart, and body are trying to alert us to, that is negligence that we do not deserve.
The Super Power of Regrets
In my own life, I have said things, done things, treated myself and others, made choices and decisions, ignored things, procrastinated things… so many regretful experiences - and yet, I am content that I regret all of them. I choose to live a life where I honor those moments of regret as inner awakenings in my soul that told me “I do not want to be the type of person who does that”. Every time I recognize a regret, I ask myself to make a choice immediately, “if I do that again, will I respect myself objectively?”. If the answer is no, the choice has been made to take a better path in my future making, and the past has been changed to see that regret as a life lesson, a wisdom I can pull knowledge and advice from.
That is the super power! I can create an expanded space in my memory that holds the event neutrally as it truly occurred, the negative feeling of regret, the positive feeling of choice to change, and the healing power of evolving the way I think, feel, and move in life. The super power of changing the past, present, and future to always be in active formation of becoming your truest self. This ties into my previous layout of the Separation of Intuition & Ego - I am acknowledging that the involuntary ego served it’s purpose in providing a learning experience for the purposeful intuition to improve by wisdom.
When we do the exercises to assess the ego, knowing how to handle regrets will make the self-reflection process a learning experience instead of a shaming experience. Releasing the urge to shame gives freedom for self-compassion. Without compassion, how can we trust the process of looking at ourselves in a raw form?
I hope this perspective on regrets can help you navigate your inner self relationship in the direction that brings you the results you’re working to achieve. It is natural to have regrets, it is natural to make mistakes - but it is damaging to ignore the lessons in them. Remind yourself that you matter so much to yourself, that feeling ashamed of regrets is okay, and that you can take care of yourself to learn and grow from each of those uncomfortable moments. Be honest with yourself, build that trust with yourself, and love yourself more than you ever have before!
If you would like to work together in this exploration of self, please look into my life coaching offerings and determine if signing up would benefit your journey of evolution. Right now, for the Autumn Equinox, all new signups will be 50% off, so keep in mind after this season ends, signups will return to the original pricing of $222 a month. If you have feelings to share or questions to discuss, please leave a comment and we’ll engage in this experience altogether.
